It’s been a challenging week! Well to be honest, a couple of weeks now and my creativity and boldness have selfishly and without notice taken leave with not one hint of when they will return. Words just don’t come, fresh ideas are non-existent and motivation is at a record low—the overwhelm wins; I feel pushed to the limit. The erroneous perceptions that everything takes so long, that everyone wants something—now, right this very minute as well as the frustrations from all kinds of things, flying at me, unexpectedly, rock my equilibrium. My will, resolve and persistence are tested and my patience meticulously measured. I feel like I am spinning my wheels, making rash, random decisions and rushing at a pace I can’t keep up to while at the same time, essentially going nowhere.
Only two weeks ago I was spruiking about smelling the roses—being in the moment and staying present - savouring the experience. My, how things can turn around—a reminder perhaps that I am human and here to learn and experience. Can I boldly pass the true test of ’presence’, being in the moment, peaceful calm and conscious when faced with inflexible time constraints, demanding work commitments, intense studying and stressful exams? Add to that people backing into my car, break-downs on the motorway and road works at every corner. You know, that pompous traffic controller that doesn’t realise the danger he puts himself in when he steps out in front of me, menacingly thrusting his annoying red stop sign in my face. With shoulders back and chest out he confidently strikes his ‘I have the power and you aint going nowhere’ pose. I eyeball him, fiercely willing him to mentally catch how much disruption and inconvenience he has caused by making me stop. Doesn’t he know how stretched my timetable is or the length of my ever growing ‘to do’ list!
After locking gazes for way too long, he finally offers me the yellow ‘slow’ sign and I